A Box of Kleenex

Jack's cell phone rang just about a mile from the house. It was his wife asking him to stop by the store on his way home to pick up a few things she had forgotten earlier in the day. Nine months ago this would have bent him out of the frame...that's why we make a grocery list...he thought as he breathed a heavy sigh, but she was four days overdue with the birth of their first child. Was he going to say no? He turned his truck around and headed back toward Publix. Thankfully the list was short...shredded cheddar cheese, a box of Kleenex, a can of mushrooms and one yellow onion. Jack grabbed a basket and got to work...this won't take long...he thought...piece of cake. Jack realized immediately just how out of his element he was when he had to take stock of his surroundings. Bev always did the grocery shopping. His knowledge of the lay of the land was limited to cold beer and chips. He could find those two aisles blindfolded. He decided on a plan of attack...onion, shrooms, Kleenex, then cheese.

Jack found the onion with no trouble. Finding a can of mushrooms proved to be more challenging. It took several trips up and down the same aisle before he finally found the little suckers. He had no idea there were varieties of canned mushrooms...button, whole, sliced, stems, pieces with stems, name brand, store brand...WTF? He grabbed a can of store brand pieces and stems and prayed it would suffice. Choosing a box of Kleenex was no walk in the park either...you've got to be kidding me...he thought as he perused all the different varieties...Kleenex, Puffs, Scott, plain, plus, plus with lotion, with Vick's and lotion, rectangular box or square, decorative box or solid? This one he was going to have to get right. He knew Bev was very particular about ass wipe and Kleenex...or was it Puffs? Aaaaaggghhhh! He had no clue, so by process of elimination, and a silent game of eenie-meenie-miny-moe, he went with the plain Puffs. Jack was now frustrated, stressed out, and mumbling under his breath as he went in search of shredded cheese. He looked down at his watch...whaaat?...actually escaped his throat, sounding more like an adolescent boy than his own voice. He had been in the Publix for twenty minutes...twenty minutes to get four items! He snatched the first bag of cheese he spied and headed for home.

Jack did almost come unglued when he got home and Bev asked...What took you so long, sweetie? He handed over his one bag of goodies without a word and began to loosen his tie. Baby...you got the wrong kind of tissue....I wanted a box of Kleenex with the added lotion. You know that's the kind I like...silly...Puffs...she trailed off laughing. The first time Jack had to go to the store for diapers, well, you can just imagine!